May 8 2009 I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I had decided to "start trying" for a baby, never expecting that we would be successful our first try!
My initial reaction was a mix of surprise and awe and excitement. And shock. Definitely some shock in there. It's not that I didn't want a baby, it's more the sudden HUGE responsibility that is added to your life. It's been over 3 weeks and I'm still feeling apprehensive. Just afraid that I won't live up to the job that's been put before me.
So I've decided to create this blog, just so I can put some of my thoughts and feelings up here.
How has it been going so far......
- I don't really feel pregnant yet....there's the obvious fatigue, the nausea (thankfully I haven't vomitted yet), the weird food aversions (of all things, right now orange juice really turns my stomach), the getting up to pee two and three times a night....but I don't feel pregnant. It's weird. I almost have to remind myself sometimes.
- I'm scared...I have always been one that finds change challenging. And I'm embarking on a journey that will change my life forever. It scares me. I'm afraid I won't be a good mom. I'm afraid I'll lose touch with my husband. I'm afraid my child will be born with some kind of congenital abnormality. I'm afraid of getting fat....I know this a terribly selfish thing to say, but I like that I am fit and have a decent figure. It's a struggle to let that go.
- I'm struggling with the idea of the financial implications, the loss of freedom and spontaneity that my husband and I curently enjoy.....
- I'm in awe that inside me a tiny person is growing. It is the coolest phenomena. I can't even feel him/her, but they're in there, growing away. Pretty amazing....
I want this baby. I think I just have all these conflicting emotions because there's an imminent change facing me. And it always takes me a while to struggle with change. And of course, it could also be all the hormones talking. :P
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