I go back to work in just over a week. This week Sam will be starting half days at his new daycare on Tuesday and Thursday in anticipation of my schedule that starts the following week, Tues/Wed/Thurs. I am not complaining, because I recognize how lucky I am to only have to go back three days a week. But I can't help this aching feeling I have in my heart. I just don't want to have to leave him with someone else, I don't want to miss a single moment of his day. I love just sitting on the floor, playing with him, watching him discover something new and exciting about one of his toys. The look of wonder on his face; his completely trusting, innocent eyes; the way he looks at you with love - no advancement in a career can compare to any of these.
I remember a conversation I had with my husband about two years ago, around this time I started reading about pregnancy and having children. And I remember very distinctly telling Tim that I didn't want to sacrifice my career for a child. That I would not be a stay at home mom. I remember being very concerned, that I didn't want to be pressured to stay at home with a child when I was ready to go back to work (not that Tim would EVER do that kind of thing, it was just an irrational fear). I look back at that discussion, and at those early fears, and laugh. If I could go back and make myself eat those words, I definitely would.
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